Confidence. What is it? What do we mean when we say we are confident?
To me, true confidence can only show up inside a certain frame of reference. It’s about how we relate to the events in our lives.
Most (not all) performance anxiety comes up due to an external frame of reference – a mental projection. We are often conditioned to seek validation from other people to assure us that we are doing well. When the possibility exists that a group of people will judge us badly, we retreat.
The potential exist here to shift from an external frame of reference to an internal one. The validation comes from a sense of curiosity – “how did I do? How can I improve? I was really pleased with this part of my performance, how can I do that again?” It doesn’t mess with, “what did they think?”
Dating is a good example of this form of confidence. Oddly, both women and men approach each other giving power to the other: “I hope he/she likes me.” Confidence asks, “do I like this person?” See the difference?
When the frame of reference shifts from external to internal, our experience of the world changes. It becomes an opportunity to experience, and an opportunity to connect. Fear doesn’t dominate in curiosity.
The shift from external to internal is a key to experiencing performance of any kind from a space of freedom.
Have you experienced this? Let me know!